


lightly but breathtakingly

by spearone



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: 3RACHA, Canon Compliant, M/M, OT3, Trainee Life, i would never move on if i didn't write 3racha as trainees so i wrote it, idk it's bad but i just needed to get rid of this thing that was in my drafts for months, please love 3racha as the beautiful ot3 they are
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-20
Updated: 2018-07-20
Packaged: 2019-06-10 02:16:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,923
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15281379
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spearone/pseuds/spearone
Summary: It's not that Jisung is not friendly towards new trainees. It's just that there's something about this particular one that he can't quite understand.Or, how Changbin comes around to flip Jisung and Chan's trainee lives upside down.





	lightly but breathtakingly

When the new kid arrives, Jisung can’t help the jealousy that washes over him. 

He has always considered himself to be a pretty decent rapper, or at least better than most people he knew. So when a guy barely an inch shorter than him, dressed in black from head to toe and a cap covering half of his eyes shows up, spitting fire like no other trainee he’s ever met, he can’t help the spark of competition that lights up in his chest. 

When his eyes wander to Chan and he watches his eyes sparkling like he has seen the one thing he wants to treasure for the rest of his life, his lips twitching in a small smile that showed his dimples just enough, Jisung hates it. He hates it because that was the exact same look Chan had on his face when he met Jisung for the first time.

Jisung was never good at getting a grip of his own feelings. Knowing that, it comes as no surprise when out of his jealousy and petty competitiveness, he challenges the new boy for a rap battle. 

Jisung isn’t actually great at not giving his all, either. And he has always been fairly great at diss raps. He can’t stop the words that drop out of his mouth, can’t help the thrill that takes over his body as he does the one thing he loves and that he is good at. The one thing that makes him feel alive.

The other boy doesn’t hand him the battle easily, though. Even if he seems somewhat cautious of his words, he still puts on an amazing show and Jisung wants to hate him for that but instead he is just amazed at the boy’s skills. 

If that’s a good or a bad thing, Jisung still couldn’t quite tell. 

He is relieved when the boy makes a mistake with his lyrics, missing the beat by a split second.

Everyone around them cheer loudly, anyway. Jisung didn’t even notice so many people gathered to watch them.

The cheers grow louder and louder until their throats are hoarse from screaming. It makes Jisung feel alive, like the blood on his veins pumped just from people’s excitement and acknowledgment. 

When his eyes meet Chan’s, he raises his eyebrow in an expression Jisung can read perfectly, even if Chan doesn’t say a word. “Really? The new kid?”

With his mind clearer after coming down from his high, maybe he feels a little embarrassed for attacking the boy like that. So he just shrugs and mouths a “Sorry” that maybe is not that sincere, but Chan doesn’t have to know.

 

When he thinks back on that moment now, he can see why Chan judged him.

Still, if he’s being honest, he doesn’t regret it one bit.

 

Ever since Jisung and Chan met and got close, they had a routine. Jisung wrote lyrics and went to Chan with them, to receive constructive criticism and praises. More of the latter, if Jisung’s being honest. 

When Changbin arrives, he starts doing the same thing. Every time Jisung goes to Chan with any work, Changbin shows up not much later, with a rap just as good. Sometimes even better. And, yes, it takes Jisung quite the change of mind to finally admit that sometimes Changbin was better than him - but he slowly came with terms with the fact that sometimes it just happened.

At first, it just pisses him off. Seeing how Chan smiles at the lines the boy wrote on his black covered notebook, a perfect handwriting and no scratches, indicating he even took the time to rewrite so Chan could read them easily. It makes him self conscious of his own lazy handwriting, scribbled in a piece of paper he almost forgets to get a hold of before arriving at their training room.

When Changbin raps the lyrics that he wrote for Chan to hear and he nods approvingl, smiling excitedly, pointing out the parts that are lacking, Jisung feels jealous that Chan gives him the exact treatment it used to be just for him.

Everything about the relationship the both of them are building bothers Jisung. More than that, meeting someone as good as him makes him start questioning if he is really that special himself.

In conclusion, Jisung is petty and jealous but still fully aware of how ridiculous he sounds, so he doesn’t say anything.

 

By the fourth time it happens, Jisung is having a pretty bad day, not quite managing to finish some lyrics he was working on since earlier. 

Chan is sitting by his side, laptop on his lap, also struggling with a track he is working on. It’s a rare sight. No matter how much he certainly struggles, because all of them do, Chan doesn’t let it show often. Having Chan lower his guards around Jisung makes he feel special, closer to him. Like he trusts him enough to show his weak sides, as much as Jisungs trusts Chan to show him his.

Changbin comes over not much later. He brings his black notebook with him and shows Chan some of his lyrics. Chan reads them, praises them, adds some of his own ideas onto them. Changbin raps them and Chan doesn’t point out anything in particular. Jisung is not looking, but he can _hear_ the smile on Chan’s voice as he says something about how Changbin improved so much in the short amount of time they’ve know each other.

And, really, it is nothing particular Changbin does that day, nothing he doesn’t do every other day. But Jisung is just really frustrated with everything and enjoying his proximity with Chan was the only thing keeping him happy, which somehow got interrupted by Changbin.

He doesn’t mean to do or say anything, like he never does. But when it’s Changbin’s turn to give Chan a suggestion on the track the older boy was struggling with, Jisung can’t help the dissatisfied groan that escapes his mouth.

All three of them go silence at that. With the corner of his eyes, Jisung notices how Changbin shifts uncomfortably on his seat.

Then, he breaks the silence. “I can come back later if it’s better for you.” His words are directed at Chan, but even if Jisung is not looking up, he can feel his eyes are on him.

Jisung wants to say that yes, that would be much better. But he doesn’t get the chance to because Chan speaks up first.

“No, it’s fine. Right now is as good as ever,” he says and Jisung has spent enough time with Chan to know that’s not his usual tone. He’s not familiar with the hardness of his words, but he’s quick to notice them. “Right, Jisung?”

At the mention of his name, Jisung makes the mistake of turning his head towards them. He’s met by Chan’s disappointed expression. He hates it. And sort of hates Changbin for indirectly causing all of that. 

As the perfectly moody teenager he is, who’s too young, too stupid and just a little too immature, he mutters a “Yeah, right” under his breath, then he stands up and leaves the room.

He knows Chan will look even more disappointed at that but he can’t be bothered to care right now. As he passes through the door he hears Changbin muttering a “I’m sorry” to Chan and he almost hates how _nice_ he is. 

Chan’s “Don’t mind him” is the last thing he hears before closing the door.

 

Jisung locks himself in the first the empty practice room he finds, turns the music on and practices his dance to make him forget about his frustrations until his legs are about to give up on him. When he is panting and his clothes are sticking everywhere and he is about to collapse, he lays on the floor to try and catch his breath

He closes his eyes and his mind wanders to the disappointed look in Chan’s face and the hardness of hisvoice that still echoes on his ears. 

It’s not that it haunts him, but it serves as a reminder of everything Chan has done for him ever since he arrived. It makes him embarrassed of his childish behavior. 

He decides that he’ll just deal with Changbin in the best way he can. Even if he doesn’t like having him around, he knows he at least owns Chan that much. 

 

_When Jisung met Chan, he was the greatest trainee he has ever seen. He wasn’t just good at rapping, he was good at everything - from vocals, to dancing, to producing and composing. He had a great personality too and he just knew everyone, from trainees to staff to every single employee in the company (and rumors had it he was even close to some of the already debuted idols under the company). Besides, he was not only polite but also incredibly nice to every single one of them._

_Back then, Jisung was the new kid and Chan was quick to make him feel comfortable at the new environment. With his charming personality and yet focused mindset, Jisung found himself falling for him in no time._

_They started spending a lot of their time together. Of course, they shared vocal lessons, dance lessons, rap lessons and, really, every possible type of lesson they had. But even after them, they’d still always meet each other to talk about raps and tracks they were working own._

_Even if freestyle came naturally to Jisung, he would still put effort onto writing lyrics. They were never quite as natural sounding as the lyrics he came with on the spot, so he would always go to Chan with them for a second opinion. Chan would always make sure to point precisely the parts Jisung were lacking, never afraid to be very detailed about all his weak points. Jisung never took it as something bad, though, because for some reason he was okay with showing his weakness to chan._

_He didn’t notice at the time, but looking back, Jisung realizes the way Chan always took his sweet time at criticizing him was just his way of trying not to make him become such a stuck up prick for being so good. And maybe the huge amount of praises Chan would always give him after didn’t actually help, but Jisung understands his intentions now and he appreciates the effort._

 

After _the groaning incident_ , as Chan likes to call it to make sure Jisung feels as embarrassed as possible, things start to change.

Changbin still comes by ever so often, probably encouraged by Chan so Jisung realizes how stupid he was. It works. Not because of the persistence, but because of Jisung’s genuine wish to be a person Chan is proud of. 

He stops just rolling his eyes at whatever they say and grumpily watching them from afar. Instead, he pays attention to their conversation, he listens to Changbin’s rap attentively (which makes him realizes Chan was right, he really did improve a lot in such an amount of time) and he listens to the suggestions Chan gives him. In his mind, he makes up suggestions of his own but he doesn’t dare to speak them out loud. Not after the scene he made before. He just works on his own suggestions and somehow turns them into greater lyrics for himself. 

For a few of the next Changbin’s visits, that’s all he does. 

Changbin visits become routine. Without the both of them knowing, Jisung works himself into that routine, not speaking a word but always paying attention to theirs. Sometimes Changbin shows up with rap lyrics, other times he just shows up to listen to whatever is Chan is working on. Other times they just hang out for a while, not saying much, just working side by side as Chan and Jisung always did. It doesn’t bother Jisung as he thinks it would if someone mentioned it to him the first time they met. 

More than just getting used to Changbin’s visits, without realizing, he starts to look forward to them. Because they help him improve his own writings, is what Jisung tells himself, but at this point he’s not so sure if that’s the only reason anymore.

 

There’s not a exact time Changbin shows up, but it’s always sometime in the afternoon. So when the clock hanging on the wall in front of them strikes 6 pm, Jisung starts getting worried. He knows he has no business worrying about it but he can’t help it. He doesn’t want to assume the worse and he has always worked on strengthening his mentality to always expect positive outcomes out of everything. 

But no matter how much he tries, he can’t help but glance at the door every few minutes, waiting for Changbin’s annoyingly cute small figure to pop up at the door, wearing black from head to toe like he does everyday. It’s starting to interfere with his work so he just really wants him to quickly show up.

Chan must sense his uneasiness because he almost makes Jisung jump out of his seat when he speaks up. “Changbin is not coming today,” his voice is low, as to not disturb the other trainees working in the room, but it has an amusing tone in it nonetheless.

“What?” is all Jisung says.

“You keep glancing at the door as if you’re waiting for Changbin to come,” Chan muses.

“I’m not,” he’s quick to reply, maybe a little too quick because he’s looking at Chan now and the corner of his lips are doing that thing when he’s trying to break into a knowing smile but he is fighting it for the sake of Jisung. He’s lowkey thankful for that.

“Of course not, sorry I assumed,” Chan says, not sounding sorry at all. Especially because he continues anyway. “But Changbin had to go back home for a family emergency. Nothing serious, though, everyone’s fine.”

“I don’t care,” he replies and pretends he doesn’t hear the short and almost silent laugh that escapes Chan’s lips as if he doesn’t believe him one bit. He probably doesn’t. Jisung just hopes he did a good job at suppressing the sigh of relief that threatens to escape his lips

They fall silent after that.

Jisung has no trouble getting back to his work after knowing Changbin is fine. And oh, well, _fuck_ , maybe he does care after all.

 

The next time Jisung and Changbin meet that falls off the routine all of them unconsciously established it’s just the two of them.

Chan had something to discuss with superiors in the company and thus Jisung was left alone to work at the corner of the room they usually worked together. 

Without Chan to set his unfinished tracks as background noise, Jisung has his own laptop on his lap to try and work on his own tracks. Chan has been encouraging him to improve his producing skills and he’s trying his best to sound even remotely as good as Chan. He’s not quite there yet, but he’s happy about the progress he’s been making. Chan makes it easier for him to learn whatever it is. 

Unlike Chan, who usually works without headphones so Jisung can listen and give his opinions from time to time, he is still not that confident about the things he’s making so he slips Chan’s headphones into his ears.

The beat is fairly loud and it ends up being enough to distract him from whatever it is that’s happening around him. At first, he has a hard time focusing, shadows of people dancing catching his attention at the corner of his eyes. But then he becomes immersed on his own thing and everything else becomes less and less distracting.

He has his eyes closed, head bobbing to the beat that flows from his earphones and he doesn’t realize Changbin is sitting by his side until he abruptly opens his eyes and is met by a hand waving in front of him, trying to get his attention.

His first instinct is to scream because as the reasonably loud person he is, that’s pretty much his reaction to everything. But he manages to recover from his shock without major accidents and he takes his headphones off, pausing the beat that was still playing. He hadn’t realized how loud it was.

Chan clearly forgot to cancel his meeting with Changbin.

“Hi, sorry I interrupted you,” Changbin says and his eyes look everywhere but at Jisung. “Do you know where Chan is?”

“He is not coming today,” Jisung replies. And it’s not rude as it used to be whenever he directed his word at Changbin and he feels like Changbin is more surprised at that than at Chan’s absence. 

He wonders if the boy knows what Chan is up to. At a small corner of his mind, Jisung wonders if Chan really forgot to tell Changbin he was not coming or if he just decided to let him find Jisung alone for the hell of it. It sounds almost absurd but it’s Chan and Jisung wouldn’t be surprised if that was his small attempt at bringing the two boys closer together.

“Oh, okay,” Changbin says, putting both his hands at his sides to prop himself to get up. “Thank you.” 

Jisung watches him as he gets ready to leave and the black covered notebook he’s holding on one of his hands catches his eyes. 

“Are those rap lyrics?” Jisung asks before his brain can even process what he’s saying.

Changbin he glances at his own hands, just to be sure of whatever it is that he’s holding. “Yeah,” he replies sounding uncertain.

Jisung also doesn’t know why he says what he says next but maybe Chan’s friendly manners are rubbing off on him. Or maybe Chan likes Changbin so much that that is rubbing of off him. Either way, he can’t take it back.

“Show them to me.” It’s not demanding, nor it is a question. It’s an invitation and a sincere one.

Changbin hesitates for a second but then he sits back down and hums a soft, “’kay”.

He hands his notebook for Jisung to read the lyrics as Chan always does, but Jisung just shakes his head in response. “Just rap them, maybe?”  
Changbin nods.

Jisung knows Chan likes to read the lyrics beforehand but he likes it the other way around. He prefers to go into it not knowing what to expect, in hopes whoever is rapping can make him understand the lyrics by just listening. He hopes the person rapping can convey the emotions they want to portray with their lyrics.

When Changbin starts his rap, there is nothing soft about it. He’s heard Changbin’s rap before, he knows he can certainly delivers his lyrics well and he knows he is good at showing his emotions. Even then, he still gets surprised at how _raw_ these emotions are. His lyrics are usually about what Jisung supposes are his daily struggles - they talk about dreams, the unknown future, his hardworking, all the blood, sweat and tears he spills. 

These lyrics today are something else. They are filled with anger that goes beyond just the growling thing he does sometimes (which Jisung finds super cool but no one heard it from him). Jisung can’t quite tell what is his anger directed at though - but something about the way he expresses it with so much sincerity makes him sympathize with it, makes him almost angry with him even if he have no idea what he is angry about. He does finish it with a growl, though. But it’s somehow fiercer than any of the growls before.

He looks hesitantly at Jisung, his confident demeanor quickly gone after he finished rapping. Jisung is trying hard to find coherent things to say but the first thing he manages to blurt out is “Are you okay?”

Changbin’s face scrunches up in confusion. “What?”

Jisung tries not to get distracted by how innocent he looks with the tilt of his head and a confused looked in his face.

“The lyrics…” he starts but then he trails off, not quite knowing how to express it. “They’re powerful.” 

“Oh,” Changbin says and for some reason Jisung doesn’t understand, he chuckles lightly at that. “I’m always doing raps about my own life but I was watching this one movie and it made me so angry that the lyrics just came out,” he scratches the top of his head in what seems like deep thinking. “It probably sounds fake because it’s not really my anger, but I wanted to try it anyway,” he finishes it with a shrugs.

“No,” Jisung is quick to deny it, his hands shaking fiercely in front of him. “It’s good,” he says. “It’s pretty fucking good. The emotions… I really couldn’t tell they are not from your own experiences.”

“Really?” Jisung nods in response. Changbin lights up at that and Jisung likes it. 

He likes this so much more than when he was rude to Changbin and the other boy just looked cautious around him all the time. Now he seemed relaxed, hints of smiles at the corner of his lips and he didn’t seem to want to stop talking because he just continued “I was really nervous about them. I was scared of overdoing it but I was also scared that it didn’t sound natural enough.”

“Hyung,” Jisung interrupts and the boy stops talking. “The emotions are great, really. The lyrics are pretty good too.”

Changbin smiles at him. He smiles back.

Jisung does have some things to mention but he tries to choose his words carefully to convey them because he doesn’t have Chan’s ability with teaching. Besides, considering how good Changbin is, he doesn’t feel like he has any place teaching him anything at all. He points out some things he would’ve worded differently and he even demonstrates a particular part where he would emphasize on a different word. Changbin listens to it attentively and he nods in agreement when Jisung finishes, telling him it does sound totally more unique that way. Jisung tries his best not to smile too widely at his compliment. 

After going over his rap a few times, Changbin asks what is Jisung working own. At first, he tries his best to evade the question. Then Changbin mentions how Chan has also been helping him with producing and instead of feeling jealous or angry like he would before, Jisung is happy that he has someone to share his struggles with.

So he lends Chan’s headphones to Changbin and presses play at the track he was working on before he came. It’s nowhere near done but it’s still something he’s been working really hard on so he can’t help the growing expectation piling on his chest as he waits for Changbin’s opinion.

He doesn’t know when Changbin’s opinion started to matter to him, but as the other boy moves his head along with the beat Jisung is now all too familiar with, he can’t help but thinking working with him is nice. He thinks he wouldn’t mind doing it more often either.

 

They don’t plan to work together just the two of them as much as they actually end up doing. At first it only happens when they plan to work alongside with Chan but the older boy ends up not showing up. Jisung is almost sure he misses some of their meetings on purpose, but then again he does seem really worried with whatever it is that he’s discussing with the company so Jisung tries not to be a brat about it.

But then, by the second time Chan lets them know beforehand that he won’t make it to their training session together, they decide to just go through with it even without him. It’s not the same when Chan’s not around, but they learn how to work with each other and, if Jisung is being honest, it’s better than being all alone. He gets surprised at himself when he notices he prefers Changbin’s company instead of his own silence he was used to whenever Chan was not around.

They work together better than the first few times. Now, they understand each other better and they know more about each other to the point they can understand what’s part of their own style and what needs improving. To a certain point, they’re both still trying to polish their own styles and Jisung likes to think they manage to help each other with that.

Jisung misses Chan. No matter how much he ends up trusting Changbin’s judgment, it still doesn’t feel the same when Chan is not there to give his insight on Jisung’s works. Especially when it’s about producing and not rapping, since none of them have that much knowledge about it. 

Changbin doesn’t say it, but Jisung knows he probably misses him too. In the end, it was the same for him as it was for Jisung: Chan was the one who took care of them since the beginning. Even if they have each other now too, it’s still not the same.

 

It’s another day of working just the two of them when Chan walks into the room and goes straight to where they’re sitted. Jisung is writing down some lyrics but he senses Chan’s presence as quickly as he comes. He can’t help the smile that he shoots his way and Chan smiles back, his big dimples showing up. Jisung doesn’t even bother denying the warmth that spreads through his chest at the sight.

Changbin is focused working on his laptop, so Jisung has to nudge him with his elbow a few times to get him to look at them. He smiles upon seeing Chan and he still has the same smile on his face.

He sits down in front of the two of them and by the way his eyes keeps going back and forth between the two of them, Jisung knows Chan wants to talk about _this_. About how the both of them are working together, something about how they’ve come a long way from not even standing to be in each other’s presences and then probably throw some joke about how they don’t even need him anymore. 

Which is a lie. 

Jisung can’t think of a world where he doesn’t need Chan. He tries not to think too much about anymore. There’s a lot of other trainees there, and he even considers himself close to some of them, but if he could choose one trainee to go until the end with, it would always be Chan. He doesn’t allow his mind to imagine the possibility of them not ending up together. He’s been there there too many times and he hates it. Maybe he shouldn’t. He knows it’s a possibility he can’t dismiss but he’d rather trust in whatever or whoever is responsible for their future to make sure they stay together as they should.

Chan doesn’t say any of these things, though, despite probably wanting to. Instead, he puts on a serious face and it’s not that Jisung is not used to Chan’s serious face, because it’s what he keeps it during practice, when he’s working on music and when he’s helping the other trainees. He’s just not used to see Chan being all serious when it’s just the both of them. The _three_ of them, actually.

But there he is, sitting in front of them with a serious face that’s honestly kind of scary. “So,” he begins. “I’ve been talking with the company for a while now.”

That much is obvious. Chan’s been in and out of discussions with the company for the longest time now. Jisung questioned him about it once or twice, but he told him he’d tell him when he could so Jisung stop bothering him about it. Seems like the time has come.

“Yes, so?” Changbin urges him.

“So you know how i produce some tracks and how the both of you have been getting better at that too, right? And how we all write lyrics as well.” Both of them nod so he continues. “There’s a lot of tracks that will just go to waste so I’ve been thinking about putting them out somewhere. Not like official releases or anything, just posting them online? Either on youtube or soundcloud or something like that.”

Changbin is the first to react. “That’s a great idea, hyung. I think the world deserves to hear your songs.” He smiles all bright and sincere.

“It’d be a pity to just throw all of them away,” Jisung agrees, nodding his head enthusiastically for emphasis. “So that’s what you’ve been discussing with the company?”

“Yeah, basically,” Chan scratches the back of his head and then continues. “But the reason I’m telling you guys because I want you to do it with me.”

It takes a moment for Chan’s world to sink in. Neither him nor Changbin are very quick to make sense of his words.

Changbin reacts first, again. “Wait, really?” 

“Really,” Chan replies. “At first the company didn’t seen too keen on the idea of letting their trainees release songs. Then they agreed I did it myself but I insisted I wanted to do it with you. They had a lot of objections, especially because there’s no guarantee we’ll debut together,” Chan pauses and sighs at the thought. “Anyway, it took a lot of convincing. plus the cold truth that the chances of people recognizing our songs are very slim,” he trails off.

“At the end of the day, we’re just trainees,” Jisung says. It’s an attempt to be comforting but maybe it just sounds cruel. There’s too many talented people out there and even inside the very room they’re at right now. They’re one in a million trying to achieve the exact dream they all share.

“Exactly. So they ended up allowing us to do it. Wwith some rules, of course, but I’ll tell you about them later. So, what do you think?” Chan asks and he looks almost nervous. If it was another time, Jisung wouldn’t like the idea of working with Changbin. But the boy he made his way into his life to the point working with him became as natural as working with Chan. There is no way it could be any better than this.

No one answered immediately so Chan continued, “I wanted to do with you because you’re my friends but also because I want to release rap songs and you’re both great at that. Maybe I should’ve asked if you were down for it before begging the company but I didn’t want to get your hopes up for something that might not work out at the end. It’s okay if you need time to think about it. Or, you know, if you don’t want to do it at all. It’s fine too.” The corner of Chan’s mouth goes just slightly, ever so fondly, and Jisung has known him for enough time to notice the hints of nervousness in that. His heart tightens at the sight. It’s obviously Chan, always taking all the hard work upon himself, always considering everyone’s feelings before his own. 

“No, hyung, it’s amazing. I’d love to be a part of that with you,” Jisung says, fighting the urge to reach out to Chan and hold his hand reassuringly. Chan visibly relaxes, almost as if he’s releasing a breath he’s been holding ever since the start.

Changbin intervenes quickly, “Yeah, wow, I’m actually kinda shocked you’re even inviting me. It’s not been long since I’ve been here but yes, of course I’d love to be a part of it with the two of you.” That being said, his eyes go from Chan to Jisung and then back again. “There’s really no one I’d rather do it with.”

Jisung heart manages to tighten even more with that.

Chan’s smiles grow bigger, “Good, me neither. Thank God you said yes, I don’t know what I’d tell the company if you didn’t,” he jokes, making the two younger boys laugh with him.

Jisung knows it’s not entirely true. He’s Bang Chan and he’s always well aware of his next move. But Jisung is just glad he doesn’t have to worry about it now. He’s glad he and Changbin are part of the reason Chan is happy. For the time being, he allows himself to ravel at the sight of sparkling eyes and a bashful smile that he’s been missing so much these days.

 

With that, they become 3racha (Chan’s idea and the three of them had fun finding new meaning for it) and things slowly started to change. At first, Jisung thinks the biggest change is having Chan back. But when he thinks about it, he’s always had Chan around before, so having him now is less of a change and more of a going back to normal thing. At last, he admits the biggest change is that Changbin is now an official part of their life. In a way, he’s been a part of their daily lives for a while now. So maybe the difference is just the way Jisung deals with it.

He interacts with them when they’re discussing things, he points out his suggestion instead of keeping them to himself. And Chan smiles at him, agrees with some of the things he says and refuses some others vehemently in the politest way he can manage. He’s still the same Chan, after all. 

And Changbin. Changbin is as nice as Jisung hated him for being when he met him. He’s very serious about work and he looks pretty badass when he is focused, but then he’s back at smiling at something Chan said and his eyes are growing bigger with surprise at something absurd Jisung suggested and he lets out a laugh that is so genuine and comfortable and Jisung wouldn’t say it out loud but he thinks it’s kinda cute.

Apart from these subtle differences, instead of working to improve their individual skills, now they work as a group.

Chan’s always helped everyone like they were part of a group already but now they discuss tracks and beats and rhymes and lyrics in order to make one track that all of them are satisfied with.

It proves itself to be harder than originally thought. It’s not easy to gather all of their opinions into something that doesn’t sound messy or poorly stitched together but they just keep on trying until it works. It takes a few extra steps, but they get there.

 

“Sungie?” Chan’s voice draws Jisung out of his own thoughts. His voice is low and hoarse and it makes Jisung heart swallow to hear him call him by the nickname. It’s almost three in the morning and he’s not in his best state right now.

“Yes, hyungie?” he replies without looking up, his voice dripping with the tiredness he feels on his whole body. He had a busy day, to say the least. Hours of non-stop dance practice followed by some more hours of vocal training catching up to him as he tries to force his brain cells to come up with lyrics he needs to show Chan and Changbin in the morning. 

All that plus the fact the response for the songs they've upload hasn't been the best. Jisung didn't expect them to be. In fact, he didn’t expect to have any response at all. But it’s late and he finds himself getting affected by all types of things because he's just tired.

Being tired is a privilege he can’t have, though, so he’s at the recording room trying to get himself together and Chan is laying on the sofa next to him, headphones indicating he’s probably working on a track or something.

“You okay?” Chan takes his headphones off and closes his laptop, placing it on the other end of the sofa. He turns his body so he’s facing Jisung.

Jisung just hums in agreement, still avoiding Chan’s eyes. He knows he looks as terrible as he feels and he doesn’t need to bother Chan with that. The other boy surely has enough things to worry about already.

“You look tired,” Chan points out. 

And Jisung doesn’t need to look at him to sense his worry, but he does it anyway, gathering his energy to sound as convicing as he can, “I’m okay, hyung. really. don’t worry about me,” he smiles at Chan and it seems fake even for him but he hopes Chan is too tired to notice. 

But Chan has always been quick at catching things. At catching Jisung, too, at all times. Chan himself is always on the verge of falling, quite literally. Chan barely gets any sleep and he looks so tired all the time that it’s basically his natural look now. Of course he’s great at covering it up with his energy and eagerness to do more, but Jisung knows Chan too well now and he can see the tiredness on his eyes that never really leaves his.

Chan is so used to the tiredness it makes him quick to spot it on everyone else. He is always urging people to get at least an hour rest when he feels like they need to. He doesn’t put his own advice into practice because he’s terrible at taking care of himself but he’s pretty good at taking care of everyone else. And Jisung may be delusional but he thinks Chan is a little better at taking care of Changbin and him in particular. 

It’s nice because he makes Jisung feel cared for, but it’s not as convenient when he’s here trying to convince him he’s fine when he knows he looks like garbage, from head to toe.

Chan is also not one to beat too much around the bush. He’s straightforward with his thoughts and Jisung envies him. He has so many stuff buried deep down at the back of his mind. 

“Don’t lie to me, Sungie. You look tired.” He know there is no point arguing with Chan that he is not so he just shrugs. “Come here,” Chan says and at first Jisung doesn’t understand but then Chan is patting the couch next to him and Jisung’s legs take him to Chan’s side before he even understand what is happening.

He sits beside Chan and in a second they’re facing each other.

“Sungie,” Chan says again and he’s been using Jisung’s nickname so often it makes him realize he’s really, really worried about him. “You trust me, don’t you?” Jisung nods. Of course he does. There’s no one on this world he trust more than he trusts Chan. Even if he may share the number one spot with Changbin now. 

“So just listen to what I say, alright?” He doesn’t leave a room for Jisung to reply and just goes on, “It hasn’t been long since we met each other but you’re the closest friend I have now. We spend every single day together so I know you. I know you have a strong mentality but I also know when tiredness gets the best of you, you start to think about all the ways things could go wrong. They won’t, Sungie.” Chan stretches his hands and brushes them against Jisung’s hair just enough to allow a wave of warmth to settle iself in Jisung’s chest. Jisung immediately misses his touch when he retreats.

“We’re working hard and doing our best and maybe it’s still not enough to meet people’s expectation but we’ll get there. We’ll just keep on doing our own thing the best way we can and then we’ll get there, okay? We’ll stay together and will get there.” 

This time, Chan places his hands in both sides of Jisung’s arms and gives him a reassuring squeeze alongside with a smile that is just as reassuring. Jisung wants to break down crying right then and there. 

Instead, he just nods again, a small “okay” escaping his lips. He doesn’t say much because he doesn’t want his faltering voice to betray him.

Chan keeps on staring at him and Jisung is still trying to pretend he’s not about to cry. He stares back at Chan, silence hanging upon then, and he notices looks sad. Jisung wants to get himself together so he doesn’t make Chan sad anymore.

But then Chan’s reaching for him, both of his arms embracing Jisung’s smaller figure, and Jisung doesn’t want to cry, he really doesn’t, but the warmth of Chan’s embrace and the sense of security he immediately feels once he is in his arms are too much and he’s just so tired. 

He buries his face on Chan’s shoulder and he tries not to let out too many sobs, but Chan notices how his body is trembling under him and he definitely feels his shirt getting wet at the particular spot Jisung’s face is buried at. He hugs him tighter and his fingers trace patterns on Jisung’s back in an attempt to soothe him. 

Chan does not say much more. Just a quiet chant of “It’s okay. Shh, it’s fine. It’s going to be okay”. He repeats it many times, in an attempt to convince himself as much as he is trying to convince Jisung.

 

When Jisung opens his eyes again, the clock on the wall reads five AM and he knows Changbin is stopping by first thing in the morning. He should wake up and fix the lyrics he’s written earlier, but for once Jisung allows himself not to care.

Chan still has his arms around Jisung and now Jisung’s is almost on top of him, embracing him, his cheek resting against Chan’s shoulder. It’s comfortable and judging by the soft snores coming out of chan’s mouth, it’s probably not that bad for him either. Besides, Chan rarely gets any sleep so Jisung wouldn’t have the heart to wake him up, even if he wanted to. Which he didn’t.

He closes his eyes again, relishing on the comfort of Chan’s body against his, the pace of the other’s heartbeat lulling him back to sleep.

 

It’s 6:30 am when he wakes up again and before he even has a chance to open his eyes, he notices the lack of another body next to him irradiating warmth. He stretches a few times while laying down and he hears Changbin’s voice, which catches him by surprise. Then Chan’s voice immediately follows and he’s kind of happy Chan didn’t completely leave him alone.

When he rolls on the couch so he’s facing them, neither of them are turned his way. They’re hunched over the table and Jisung can’t help but notice that their knees are touching and neither of them seem to be too bothered by that.

He pays attention to their conversation for a second or two only to remember that he was supposed to be a part of that as well. 

He gets up in a hurry and it’s so abrupt that he accidently gets the attention of the both of them.

“You’re awake,” Changbin says and smiles at him. Jisung has to fight the urge to melt on the spot.

“Yeah,” he manages to say instead. “Sorry I overslept. also my lyrics….” he trails off, his eyes searching for the paper he left on the table the night before.

“It’s fine,” Chan is the one who speaks up now. “You left your paper laying here and I took a look at it,” Jisung opens his mouth, ready to whine but Chan cuts him to it. “Sorry. But they are good. Right, Binnie?”

“Really good,” _Binnie_ replies, nodding enthusiastically. Jisung wants to be childish and bitter about the nickname but he finds it so cute and suitable that he finds himself wanting to use it too. Plus he’s complimenting his lyrics and he’s not that much of an asshole anymore.

“Oh, really?” he asks and this time, both of them nod at the same time. “Okay then. Did you fix the track, hyung?” he asks Chan and the older boys shows him a thumbs up. He pulls a chair that was beside him and place it in between Changbin and him. He gestures for Jisung to take a sit.

“Want to have a listen?” he asks.

Jisung nods as he sits down and Chan presses play on the track and immediately a beat that Jisung’s slowly growing familiar fills the room. From where he’s sitting, a step behind the both of them, he can see the way Changbin’s head moves in sync with the beat, mouthing something Jisung can’t understand, probably trying to match his lyrics to the beat. Jisung can’t wait to hear it. 

The beat is great, as everything Chan does.

When he reaches his hands to grab his own sheet of paper to try and fit his lyrics to the beat as well, he notices Chan and Changbin’s knees are still touching. He seems to be the only one even slightly bothered by it. He doesn’t know what he feels about it, but he doesn’t have the time to figure it out now. Instead, he shoves his thoughts aside and forces himself to focus on their work.

 

Jisung wakes up abruptly, shirt damp in sweat. He stays still for a second, trying to calm his erratic beating heart, repeating to himself multiple time that it was just a nightmare. He takes deep breathes to try and calm himself down. He doesn’t remember what the nightmare was about. It was very vague. He can’t remember who was there with him, nor can he remember what happened but the feelings are still too real. Feelings of failure and despair washed over him like a wave and he’s awake now and he is safe but he doesn’t feel like he is. He can physically feel the weight of these feelings dragging him down and he just really needs to breathe. 

He gets up, trying his hardest not to wake any of the other trainees up, and heads to the kitchen, aiming for a glass of water to clear his mind and to dissolve the lump he has in his throat. 

His mind immediately wanders to chan. Of course, Chan. The one person who’d always reassure him, who would tell him it was just a dream, that everything was fine. Chan who was the person who would always manage to bring Jisung back to reality. 

After downing two glasses of water, he leaves the kitchen and takes a look at their dorm’s balcony, where Chan is used all curled up, still working even at wee hours of the morning. But he’s not there tonight. Jisung has no idea what time is it but it must be pretty late. Chan is probably sleeping and as much as he’d like to have Chan by his side right now. he doesn’t want to invade Chan’s room just because he had a nightmare and he can’t really deal with that alone. He knows he wouldn’t mind but, still, if Chan is sleeping then that’s how he’s supposed to remain. 

Jisung wanders back to his room as silently as he can. He almost gets a heart attack and he has to fight his every urge to scream when he’s met by someone he can’t quite recognize standing at the exact spot he was standing before, drinking a glass of water, his back half turned to him. Jisung thinks he may be drinking in the exact same glass he was drinking, but he can’t be sure. They all look the same anyway. 

Only when the other boy turns to leave does Jisung catch a glimpse of his face, half covered by a black hoodie. Jisung would recognize his face even in the darkest of rooms. 

Changbin doesn’t look like he’s about to scream when he notices someone is there with him. His eyes widen for a second and when he recognizes Jisung, he visibly relaxes. Jisung goes closer and Changbin takes it as a key to speak up.

“Can’t sleep?” he whispers so low Jisung can barely hear him. His voice is hoarse from sleep.

“You can say that,” Jisung replies. “You too?” Changbin nods. 

Changbin stares at Jisung for a while and he’s so focused on him that jisung has to fight the urge to shuffle uncomfortably for being the focus of Changbin’s sole attention. 

There’s something about the dead silence and the cold breeze that’s coming from the balcony’s door that Jisung accidentally left half open that makes it all seem a bit too hazy. He’s probably just asleep and a little tired from being so stressed before. He doesn’t feel as good as he would if could’ve talked to Chan, but he does feel like he could manage to fall back asleep now.

His heartbeat picks up pace at the mere thought of falling back to the chaos of his mind and all the bad feelings it stored for him. For a second, he forgets Changbin is right in front of him because he sighs, realizing he’s probably not getting any more sleep tonight.

“Sungie?” Changbin’s cut his train of thoughts and Jisung is taken aback, more so by the use of the nickname than because he forgot Changbin was there. He’s taken aback by the way the affectionate nickname only Chan uses for him sounds coming from Changbin’s mouth. It doesn’t sound foreign or wrong. It sounds just right, like it was made for Changbin to say. It also sounds worried. Jisung looks up at him. “You okay?” he asks.

Jisung hums in response.

“Did you have a nightmare?” he asks again and Jisung doesn’t know how he knows but he does. It is supposed to be a question but he doesn’t give Jisung any time to answer. “I had one too,” he completes, his voice so small, as if it’s taking his every effort to confess that. As if he is telling Jisung a secret he never told anyone. Maybe he is.

Changbin takes a few steps closer to Jisung, and he reaches for his hand. Jisung doesn’t protest. Changbin squeezes his hand tight and looks him in the eye. “It was just a dream,” he says, trying to sound as convincing as he can manage. Jisung thinks maybe he’s not the only one Changbin is trying to convince. “None of that was real.”

In its own way, it’s reassuring and Jisung is grateful. 

They stay like that for a while, the both of them standing on their pajamas, in the middle of their kitchen, holding hands and staring at each other. They are so much closer than they’ve ever been. Jisung is seeing the features of Changbin’s face up close for the first time and he finds himself immsersed in his dark eyes, as deep as the ocean, that seem to hold so much inside of them. He notices the scar under his chin that he’s never noticed before and he feels an urge to touch it, to trace its shape and find out how it feels under the tip of his fingers.

Jisung wants him closer. He wants to throw himself against Changbin, wants to rest his face against his shoulder and breath in the other boy’s scent. A scent he doesn’t know but that he’d like to. Maybe he really should go back to sleep.

Changbin snaps him out of his thoughts once again when he says, “Do you think you can go back to sleep now?”

Jisung hesitates before nodding and Changbin notices. “It’s okay if you can’t. We can stay here for a little longer, if you want.”

“No, it’s okay,” Jisung lets go of Changbin’s hand. “I’ll go back now,” Jisung doesn’t want to but he also doesn’t want to be a burden for Changbin so he turns his back to him. “Thank you. Good night,” he mutters before leaving.

Changbin’s hand on his shoulder, stopping him from going to his room, catches him by surprise. When he turns around to look at the other boy, even in the dim light, he notices the way his cheeks are dusted pink. He is about to ask what is wrong but Changbin beats him to it.

“Do you want me to sleep with you?” Changbin says it in one quick breath and he avoids Jisung eyes as he waits for the answer, his gaze fixed on the floor in between them.

Jisung is caught off guard and it takes him a while to answer.

“You don’t have to do that just because Chan is not here,” he points out.

It’s probably not the answer Changbin is expecting because he looks up at him and confusion is clear in his eyes. “I guess Chan would be happy but that's not why I’m offering it,” Jisung expects him to say why is he offering it then but he doesn’t and instead, he says “Plus I could also use the company,” he smiles sheepishly, looking up again and making eye contact with Jisung.

A part of Jisung just really, really want to say yes. “Don’t you think the guys will notice?”

“I doubt it,” Changbin says and shrugs. “I don’t really care if they do, though. Do you?”

Jisung shakes his head.

Changbin grabs Jisung’s hand again and they find their way to Jisung’s bed quickly and quietly enough. The trainee’s beds are small, but sharing it with Changbin proves not to be any difficult.

At first, when Changbin’s body falls besides his, Jisung can’t help but feel a little awkward to be in such close proximity. It disappears as soon as he feels Changbin silently wraps his arms around his waist and he’s so quick to melt against the other boy’s chest that he starts to feel slightly concerned for himself. 

It’s not long until he notices Changbin is sleeping soundly and when his eyelids start to get heavy with sleep and his heart is no longer threatening to burst out of his chest and swallow him whole, it doesn’t take long for him to fall asleep against him, either. 

 

Chan doesn’t say anything when he enters Jisung’s room to wake him up and finds Changbin on his bed, his arms slung across the younger’s waist, whose back is resting against the other’s chest. He doesn’t say anything when Jisung opens his eyes, notices the situation he’s in and looks apologetically at him. 

They get ready to go to practice together in silence. Chan doesn’t say anything and neither do Changbin or Jisung. It’s not unusual for them to be quiet early in the morning, but there’s an awkward silence hanging around. None of them say anything about it.

When they arrive at the practice room, Chan is back to his usual self. Now, with 3racha, they barely get any time apart from each other. Not that they got any of that before, when it was just Chan and him.

Jisung likes it. He likes being in Chan’s presence and he’s the most comfortable when Chan is around. He’s not scared to mess up in front of Chan but he still practices his very best because that’s all he wants to show him. Jisung is so used to Chan and everything about him. It’s been that way for a while and they’re both comfortable with it. 

Still, after that one night they fell asleep at the studio’s couch, he finds himself craving more than just Chan’s company and attention. 

He craves the warmth coming from Chan’s hands when Jisung not so subtly places his own on top of his, craves the feeling of Chan’s shoulder against his when he sits a little too close and the touch of their knees, which is so quick and so meaningless but still manage to make him happy. Chan doesn’t seem to mind the subtle touches, at all.

Maybe being physically closer to Chan made Jisung hyper aware of everyone else’s proximity. He starts noticing Changbin and Chan are pretty touchy too. Chan puts his hand on Changbin's shoulder to get him to focus and it stays there a second too long and then Changbin stretches over Chan to point at something on his laptop screen that’s resting on his lap and Chan doesn’t even flinch, not even when Changbin is practically all over him. 

He notices how Changbin rests his head on Chan’s shoulder, barely touching it, trying to fight the sleep washing over him even if he’s eyelids are heavy and he can’t keep them open for the life of him. He notices how Chan gently pushes his head further into his shoulders, fondness in his eyes telling Changbin to just rest for a while.

Jisung finds himself sulking for a reason he can’t understand.

He’s past the jealousy now. He likes Changbin, maybe even as much as Chan likes him. He misses him when he’s not there and he’s become as comfortable with him as he’s comfortable with Chan and no one in the world ever made him feel as comfortable as Chan does.

Jisung doesn’t know exactly what changed that. He doesn’t know if it was the days spent practicing late into the night until the sun was rising and its rays were peeking through the window, illuminating Changbin’s skin so softly it was almost like he was glowing. Or if it was the way Changbin was there to help him fall asleep when Chan wasn't, how his arms found his way around Jisung’s chest so easily like they were made to hold him. Or maybe the sound of his heartbeat against his ears, steady and strong, in harmony with his soft snores that filled Jisung’s room. Or the realization that he fell asleep so fast, like Jisung's presence somehow eased him to sleep the same way Changbin’s presence did to him.

Changbin makes Jisung feel important. Special. Needed. Just like how important Changbin is to him.

And he thinks that he loves him. He loves Changbin.

He’s one of his best friends. He knows that.

But maybe that’s not enough. And he doesn’t know what to do about it.

 

So he does the only thing he knows how to do when he is lost and confused: he searches for Chan.

He wants to talk to him. He hesitates at first, scared of what the other might think of him falling for Changbin. Falling for another trainee. When their lives are full of uncertainties and they don’t know what to expect of the future.

At first, he thinks Chan won’t approve of it, that he’ll be disgusted by it. That he’ll tell Jisung falling for Changbin is all types of wrong and that he should be ashamed of even thinking about is.

But it’s Chan. Throwing away unreasonable insecurities and knowing him, he knows he would never judge him. He feels stupid for even thinking that he ever would.

He finds Chan at the practice room, the same spot he always finds him.

“Chan hyung,” he says as soon as he enters the room, to make his presence known. Chan is always so focused on his work that there were times Jisung had to go and pat him on the shoulder a few times to get his attention.

This time, Chan looks up rather quickly.

“Jisung, hey,” he replies cheerfully. Then he really looks at Jisung and spending every living second with each other may have done something for them because he’s quick to notice Jisung’s nervousness, if the way Jisung keeps on fidgeting with the hem of his shirt is any indication. His shoulders are tense and he’s trying not to make it obvious that he’s sweating like crazy. He knows Chan won’t judge him but it’s still nerve wrecking to talk about it. “What’s wrong?” Chan frowns and his words have a worried tone.

Jisung wants to go straight to the point or he’s scared he won’t have the courage to talk about it. “Can I talk to you about something?” He asks, sitting by Chan’s side. He closes his laptop and looks at Jisung, which means he’s got his undivided attention now. 

“Of course you can, Sungie,” Chan expressions softens, dissolving the frown that adorned his face before. He’s making an extra effort to not make it obvious that he’s worried and Jisung appreciates it.

Jisung hesitates. He takes a while trying to find the words to express the thing that’s been bothering him even before he realized it and Chan waits patiently. He doesn’t push him and lets him take his time. Jisung is grateful, again.

“It’s just that,” he starts and then pauses. It’s now or never, he thinks. So he blurts out “I think I like Changbin.”

Jisung watches Chan’ expression attentively and he is not sure what he expected but it was definitely not the hint of amusement mixed with relief he sees. Chan says, “Oh, you do?” and he’s trying to sound surprised but he’s not that good at pretending.

“Yes,” Jisung says, almost in a questioning tone, now unsure of his own words.

“What makes you think that?” Chan asks. The question seems genuine enough and Jisung completely falls for it.

He actually thinks hard about Chan’s question and after a minute of pondering, he comes up with an answer. “I don’t know I just really like spending time with him. And, like, he’s great and he’s beautiful for someone the size of a miniature doll.” he half smiles at himself thinking about Changbin getting mad at him for that and Chan also lets out a small laugh. “And I wanna hug him and kiss him and touch him all the time and maybe that’s not very brotherly of me,” he finishes.

Chan smiles at Jisung and he can see the softness in his eyes and the gentleness in his smile. his heart swallows up at the sight. “So why are you telling me and not him?”

“Because I don’t know what to do,” Jisung sighs, ruffing his hand through his hair in very poorly concealed despair.

“Maybe tell him about it,” Chan suggests.

“No,” Jisung gasps at the thought. “He’ll hate me and probably never want to talk to me again.”

Chan raises an eyebrow at him. “I don’t think it’s possible for Changbin to hate you.”

“But still,” Jisung trails off. Changbin probably won’t hate him but there’s a huge chance things might get awkward between them and Jisung is not sure he’s ready for that.

“Talk to him,” Chan insists but there’s nothing pressuring about it. It’s still gentle.

Jisung sighs again. “I don’t know how.” 

“You’re good at talking. I’m sure you’ll figure it out,” Chan reaches out to grab Jisung’s arm and give it a reassuring squeeze. 

“But, hyung,” he whines “I don’t know even know if I _should_ tell him.”

“If you want my opinion, I think you should. If he doesn’t feel the same then you can move on. You won’t know until you ask him,” Chan reasons.

With that, Jisung starts considering actually telling Changbin. He kind of hoped Chan would help him sort his feelings out, would convince him it’s a terrible thing to like Changbin and help him realize he’s not actually in love with him, he’s just confused. Instead, Chan accepts his feelings without even questioning him and it leaves him with the crucial decision - to tell or not to tell changbin.

“And if he hates me after that?” he asks one last time, just to give Chan an opportunity to rethink and realize it’s actually an awful idea to tell him.

“He won’t,” he replies without hesitation. Jisung is ready to object but Chan doesn’t let him. “But if, and that’s a big if, he does end up hating you then you come talk to me again and we’ll figure that out,” Chan’s hands find Jisung’s and he squeezes them tight. “Okay?” he asks.

Jisung nods.

He knows it’s long shot in the darkness. The possibilities of Changbin returning his feelings are slim and the thought of rejection scares the hell out of him. However, he also knows saying it all out loud made him realize the feelings are real.

And he trusts Chan. Ever since he met him, he trusted him every single time. He’s not about to break that pattern now. He knows, in the end, it’s his choice to make, but it helps that Chan is on board with it, no matter what it is.

 

It happens a few days later, in the fifth time they’re sharing a bed, but Jisung is most definitely not counting. 

After a silent agreement that they just like sleeping next to each other, meaning there’s no need for nightmares as an excuse to do that, Changbin is not at all surprised when Jisung climbs upon his bed in the middle of the night.

By now, it’s not an unusual occurrence.

However, what is unusual is that Changbin doesn’t wrap his arms around Jisung as fast as he does every other night. Instead, he lays on his side, facing Jisung. So Jisung does the same, turning to his side.. They stay there, just centimeters apart, staring at each other in a silence that is not awkward, but it’s not entirely comfortable either.

Considering they sleep tangled with each other ever so often, the proximity shouldn’t be a problem anymore. Still, something about the way Jisung can feel Changbin’s every breath tickle against his face is unfamiliar and it makes he want to do something. If turning away or getting even closer, he is not entirely sure anymore.

There is barely any light in the room other than the moonlight peeking through the window in the opposite side of the room. It’s not much, but it glows in the most dreamlike way.

It makes Changbin look even more beautiful than usual. Jisung’s chest tightens at the sight. He did think a lot about the whole confession thing, but he would be lying if he said he managed to come up with any answer. He still likes Changbin as much as he did a few days ago when he told Chan, but the crippling fear of rejection is still there stopping him from saying anything.

They stay that way, completely silent staring and neither of them tear their gaze away.

In the silence, Jisung feels his eyes getting heavier with sleep . But he doesn’t want to sleep just yet, enjoying the view, the proximity and the way their breaths get mixed up halfway between them.

Changbin opens his mouth to say something but he closes it again less than a second later without uttering a word. Unfortunately for Jisung, it shifts his attention to his lips and he finds himself fighting the urge to stare at them without making things awkward. He’s proud of himself because he thinks he does a pretty good job.

He looks at Changbin eyes again.

At the corner of his eyes, he sees Changbin’s hand moving. He doesn’t understand it at first but then there’s a slight pressure on his cheek and he can feel his skin burning in the exact spot Changbin is touching. He closes his eyes slowly, to enjoy Changbin’s contact even if he doesn’t understand what’s going on. 

Changbin must misunderstand because soon the contact is lost and Jisung hears a whispered and rushed “Sorry”. His body reacts quicker than his mind and he grabs Changbin’s hand before it’s too far away from his face and he places it back where it was.

For the sake of making it clear that he enjoys it, he whisper back “It’s okay.”

He keeps his hand on top of Changbin’s until he’s sure he’s not moving again. When he frees the other boy’s hand, he feels it caressing his cheek, slowly and uncertain but still very much there. He tries his best to not make a sound that embarrassingly shows how pleased he is.

After what must’ve been minutes, Jisung opens his eyes and he’s met by Changbin’s gaze, still focused at him. He’s shy under his stare but as much as he wants to just close his eyes again, he likes watching Changbin from up close so he doesn’t.

“Jisung,” Changbin breaks the silence between them and Jisung’s name is less of a sound and more of a puff of air.

“Yeah, Binnie hyung?” the nickname slips off before he can stop it and Changbin’s gaze soften at that and Jisung is thankful that sometime he has no brain to mouth filter.

“I’m sorry if this is going to make things awkward between us,” he starts and he halts the caressing, retreating his hand, and Jisung wants to tell him _no, come back_. “But I like you. I really, really like you and I feel it’s unfair to sleep next to you almost every night without telling you that. I’m sor-“

“Don’t,” Jisung cuts him halfway through it and Changbin’s eyes widen in response. Jisung’s half asleep brain is having a hard time processing whatever Changbin just told him but the one thing he’s sure of is that Changbin has nothing to be sorry about. “Don’t say you’re sorry.”

“But I am,” Changbin replies. “I didn’t want to be selfish and tell you and ruin our friendship and everything else but I don’t like not telling you the truth either so,” he trails off and it’s the perfect opportunity for Jisung to try and calm his beating heart that is so close to bursting his ribcage open while making sense of what he think he just heard Changbin say.

Always so eloquent, Jisung just half-stutters. “Did you just say you like me?”

Changbin looks dumbfounded for a second. “That’s what I’ve been rambling about for a while. Are you even listening to me?”

“Yes. It's just a lot to process.”

“I'm sorry,” Changbin says again.

“Changbin for God's sake shut up for a second,” Jisung says a little louder than necessary and Changbin has to motion him to tone it down a notch. “I like you too, you dumbass.”

“Oh? I thought…” _you liked Chan_ , is what Changbin means to say but Jisung cuts him before he has a chance to.

“You thought wrong. I like you much I have no idea how it happened.”

Changbin can’t fight the smile that spreads across his face. “Good,” is all he says. And does his smile look even more breathtaking up close.

This time, Jisung doesn’t stop his gaze from wandering to his lips. When he glances back up, he finds Changbin’s staring at his lips as well.

When their gazes meet again, they’re even closer to each other.

“Binnie hyung?” Jisung breathes out.

“Yeah?”

“Can I kiss you?”

The corners of Changbin’s lips curl up at the question and he nods. Jisung takes it upon him to close the remaining gap between them

 

The next morning, they wake up early and head to the practice room together. Jisung kisses Changbin good morning and Changbin jokes that if he knew he’d be getting good morning kisses, he would’ve asked jisung to be his boyfriend way earlier.

“Did you ask me to be your boyfriend? I think I must’ve missed that part,” Jisung says, teasingly. He supposes their relationship status is implied but he’d like to make it official. He’d like to have proper news to tell chan.

“Oh,” Changbin says, as if he’s realizing just now he never actually asked. “I thought… oh, okay. Right,” he stumbles upon his words and it’s single handedly the cutest thing Jisung has ever seen.

He leans in to kiss Changbin and says, “It’s fine. I’ll be your boyfriend, then.”

Changbin just smile at that. “Good,” he says, just like he did the night before, and pulls Jisung in for another kiss.

 

Jisung wants to tell Chan as soon as he sees him but when they arrive at the practice room, he’s still not there. 

They lay on the floor to wait for him, side by side, while discussing about the theme for their next song they’re supposed to upload in 3 days. Their hands naturally find each other and that’s as far as it goes, since they agreed to tone down the public displays of affection for the sake of everyone. 

It’s how Chan finds them ten minutes later, looking like he hasn’t sleep in days which he probably really hasn’t. His face lights up as soon as he spots the scene before him and he immediately shows them one of his beautiful smiles, dimples and genuine happiness and all. 

Jisung is the first to speak up, gently squeezing Changbin’s hand. “So, this happened.” 

Chan lets out a laugh. “Clearly. I’m happy for you, guys. i really am.” 

Changbin smiles at Chan and so does Jisung. 

Jisung likes it so much. He likes that he is happy, he likes that Changbin is happy and he likes that Chan is happy. In the end, that is really all that matters to him.

 

Chan remembers the very first day he met Jisung. He remembers being drawn to the boy’s round cheeks and curious eyes. He remembers thinking he looked cute and eight bars later, he remembers thinking he was the best rapper out of all the trainees he’s ever met.

They grew close in a matter of days. Despite the fierce demeanor when performing, Jisung was really just a baby. And Chan liked taking care of Jisung and Jisung liked being taken care of by chan. They matched well. It had been a while since Chan grew that close to anyone, but being friends with Jisung just felt right from the start.

He remembers meeting Changbin, no more than two months ago. He remembers seeing in him the same passion and fire he saw in Jisung when he first met him. 

Standing there, surrounded by dozens of trainees, only the two of them in the center, he remembers thinking that that was it. Those were the two boys he wanted with him in the long run.

Chan’s met too many people, made too many friends who ended up leaving him behind because they were ready and Chan wasn't. The feelings of worthlessness tormented not only his dreams but also his mind in every awake moment. It’s not that he was bad - he could rap well, sing fairly decently, his dance moves were okay and he was good at making songs - he was simply not enough. Six years and he was still not enough. 

But as he watched Jisung and Changbin blurting out words and riding the beat like they were made to do just that, for once, Chan felt like everything was where it was supposed to be. 

Maybe, just maybe, the universe had a plan after all. Maybe the reason he did not make his debut before was because he was meant to meet these two boys and make his dreams come true alongside with them.

Chan’s not sure he believes in destiny and in things being meant to be, but as he stood there watching them, it felt right. Maybe debuting with them was his meant to be.

 

His wish soon proves to be a little tougher than originally planned. 

See, Jisung is a sweet guy. Despite the confident and powerful act he puts as he performs, he's nothing but a baby. And being a baby comes with a pettiness Jisung seemed to be very keen of, which meant he and Changbin didn't start off at the best terms. 

It was mainly Jisung, really, who seemed to be bothered by Changbin’s constant presence next to Chan, seemed to be bothered by the attention Chan gave Changbin. Sure, petty. But Chan couldn't help but find his jealousy sort of cute. 

At first, at least. Chan knew Jisung would come around eventually, it just took him a little longer than expected.

 

Chan is lying on one of the practice’s room floor, catching his breath after repeatedly practicing a routine he was still not completely familiar with. There was no one else in the room and the song is still on repeat

When it abruptly stops, Chan doesn’t have enough strength to open his eyes and see who is there so he just waits, as his heartbeats calm down and his breathes become more and more even.

“Chan hyung,” Changbin voice startles him, so close, and he opens his eyes to see the boy sitting beside him. He didn’t even realize someone approached him. “Are you okay?” he asks.

Chan just nods, still not trusting himself to utter any words. Changbin stares at him, looking like he doesn’t believe him at all, and he waits until Chan’s breathes don’t seem so desperate anymore.

“I wanted to talk to you about something, but it can wait,” he says.

Chan shakes his head as he sits down and he prompts Changbin to go on with a gesture of his hands. The situations seems all too familiar and Chan kind of tries to save his words for whatever is coming

“There’s something I need to tell you but I’m scared it will make things awkward,” he confesses and his eyes are strained at the floor between them, avoiding Chan’s gaze.

“You can tell me, Binnie,” Chan says, voice as soft as he can manage. “Whatever it is, I won’t judge.”

Changbin seems to consider Chan’s words and well, he was there to tell Chan, so he must’ve thought about that before. 

His eyes find Chan’s and his voice is small when he says, “I like boys,” he pauses for a second too long and Chan is almot relieved that this is what Changbin wanted to tell him. 

He’s ready to tell him he’s not the only one, and it’s okay, but maybe he shouldn’t let too many trainees know about it, even if he knew Changbin would probably only tell him and Jisung. 

But before he gets a chance to say any of that, Changbin is speaking again. “Not just boys, in general. I like-” he stumbles in his words “- _specific boys_.” he finishes, saying the words so quick as if he is just trying to get rid of them.

Chan doesn’t need much more words to understand what this is about. He knows he and Jisung have been spending an awful lot of time together, especially since he’s been skipping almost all of the practice sessions together to talk with some representatives of the company. And Jisung came to him to confess his feelings for Changbin not many days before, so it’s only natural that, like Jisung did, Changbin also developed feeling for the other boy. Chan ignores the string that pulls just a little hard in his heart.

Changbin is not finished, though, because he still adds, after he takes a deep breath as if saying this is taking all of his strength. “I like Jisung and-“

“You like Jisung?” Chan cuts him off before he has the chance to finish what he was about to say. His tone is casual, not judgmental or surprised. It’s like they’re talking about dinner and Changbin suggested they ordered pizza and Chan was just asking for a confirmation before he made the order.

Changbin looks at him with a puzzled expression, “Yeah, but also-” he tries again, but Chan doesn’t let him finish.

“Of course this won’t make things awkward between any of us, Bin,” Chan interrupts him once again. “Don’t you think you should tell him about it?” he asks lightly.

Chan is not stupid. Changbin may not understand what he’s doing, but he didn’t miss the way he said he likes specific boys - plural. And Chan is not as oblivious as Changbin and Jisung seem to be, so he notices how Changbin clings to him far too often, how he stares at him when he thinks Chan is not paying attention and how there’s always a hint of _admiration_ in his voice when he compliments Chan on anything. Changbin isn’t exactly subtle. He understands the feelings far too well, because he experiences it every day with both Jisung and Changbin. He can’t be completely sure, but he wouldn’t be surprised if the other boy Changbin likes is him. 

And he can’t let him tell him that. Chan knows about Jisung feelings for Changbin and he would never do anything to hurt him. Not when both of them have feelings for each other and both of them came up to him with those, as if the universe is telling him it is his mission to bring them together. He is sure they can make it on their own, but it will definitely help if Chan doesn’t stand in the way.

So he is subtle in the way he talks to Changbin. He hints on the reciprocity of his and Jisung’s feelings, without telling him he knows for sure that Jisung likes him back . In every way he can, he prompts Changbin to confess. Just like he did with Jisung.

Chan wants to be a good person and he wants to see them happy, but he is only human and he would be lying if he said it does not hurt him in the slightest. Still, he wouldn’t do this to Jisung. As far as he and Jisung re concerned, Jisung’s feelings towards Chan are only platonic. 

He does feel a bittersweet taste on his mouth when he realizes, one night when he’s alone at the studio and it’s late and silent, that soon neither of them will drop by to make him company, because they will have each other to hold on to at night. He admits the thought of not having them around so often is not the most pleasant. However, more than just a soon to be professional who would be capable of dealing with the impeding taste of loneliness in the right way, he was their friend and he loved them so much. He would find a way to be happy as long as they were happy too. After all, contrary to what happened many times before, he would not be completely alone again.

 

When he walks into the practice room, days later, to find the boys laying in the floor holding hands, his heart swell up at the sight. He likes the way they hold hands, Changbin’s small one so cute against Jisung’s slightly bigger. He doesn't think about how his hand could probably hold both of theirs at the same time. 

He finds it adorable the way Changbin’s smaller frame curls against Jisung’s when they're all sprawled on the floor at the wee hours of the morning trying to come up with the perfect chorus for one of their tracks. 

His heart flutters at the sight of Jisung’s head laying on Changbin’s lap, as both of them go over the lyrics in their hands in an attempt to come up with a unique flow that fits the beat and doesn't make it seem like they are trying too hard. 

Chan is happy, because he _knows_ they are happy, too. 

 

It’s been a terrible day for Chan. He read a particular sketchy comment in one of the songs they uploaded and it got him questioning everything he's done until now. He doesn't know why he makes music, he just know he can't live without it. He wants to make good songs that mean something to people and he's trying his best but he's sleep deprived and stressed and his head hurts. 

He’s in the studio and he presses play in the same beat he's been working on for the past three hours. He’s not making much progress. It still sounds as bland as the other fifteen times he played it. He sighs, turning off the music and closing his eyes. 

A knock on the door startles him. There’s no one who visits him anymore. It’s not a pleasant thought, but there’s no bitterness in it. He knows Jisung and Changbin have each other now. He probably takes too long to answer and the person knocks again, twice. 

"Come in," Chan shouts. 

The door opens slowly and Changbin head pops up, looking around to try and spot chan. Once he does, he shoots him a smile and completely opens the door, stepping inside. 

Chan is a mess of surprise and happiness mixed with stress and tiredness so he feels like crying when he sees Changbin in all of his sleepiness glory, messed up hair and tiny frame engulfed by clothes a size too big. Chan absentmindedly notices the shirt he's wearing belongs to him. It makes the urge to cry even stronger. He’s so tired.

"Hyung?" Changbin says to get Chan’s attention. 

"Hey, Binnie," Chan smiles at him. It’s a tired smile but still a genuine one. "What’s up?" 

"Still working?" he asks instead of answering and the way he grips on the hem of his own shirt shows some nervousness that he’s trying to hide. Chan pretends he doesn’t notice it.

"Trying to," Chan shrugs "Haven't made much progress, but I’ll get there." 

Changbin shuffles closer to him and Chan pulls him a chair by his side, which Changbin takes without hesitation. 

"You want some help?" Changbin asks. 

"No, it's okay. Thanks, Binnie," Chan looks at him, now closer and he can see the sleepiness in his eyes. He knows Changbin has been working as hard as he has. He doesn't want to burden him any more than necessary. He adds, "You should go to sleep. We don't want bag eyes in your pretty little face." 

The words leave Chan’s mouth so naturally that he doesn't realize what he said until tints of red start spreading across Changbin’s cheeks. 

"Hyung," Changbin whines. 

"Sorry," Chan quickly apologizes. He was so used to throw random compliments at Changbin before and now they rarely spend any time together, just the two of them. so he's still not used to the new dynamics. He immediately feels bad, thinking about Jisung. 

Changbin just nods while looking down, waiting for the blush to die down. 

“Why are you here?” Chan tries, in an attempt 

"Oh,” Changbin looks up again, as if he’s just remembering there’s a reason he came talk to Chan. “I wanted to talk to you about something." He shifts uncomfortably on his seat and it throws Chan off just a bit. Changbin is not one to feel nervous easily, so Chan is not sure he wants to heart what Changbin has to say. But he doesn’t think he has a say in that.

"Yeah, of course. What is it?" He does the best to not sound as wary as he is

Changbin scratches the back of his neck before speaking. “Do you remember that time I told you about how I felt for Jisung?” he begins.

Chan nods.

Changbin sucks in a sharp breath, as to prepare himself to what he’s about to say next. Chan tries and prepares himself, too. The conversation didn’t even start and Chan already doesn’t like where it is going.

“Back then I was so taken aback about how certain you were that Jisung liked me back that I didn’t even realized you didn’t let me finish what I wanted to say. You did it on purpose, didn’t you?”

Chan wants to say no. He wants to pretend he doesn’t know what Changbin is talking about in hopes that he’ll just let it go. But it’s 3 am and it’s just the two of them in a studio that is far too quiet, Changbin’s breath is loud and his dark eyes beg for a honesty Chan can’t deny him. 

He nods again.

“Why?,” Changbin asks but Chan can’t give him an answer that he likes. “Was it because you don’t like me that way and just focusing on Jisung would make it hurt less?” _No_ , Chan wants to say.

“Because it worked, hyung, It really did. I didn’t even think about it until after Jisung and I were together and I started feeling like something was missing,” he sighs.

Chan shakes his head and Changbin wants to scream. Instead, he whispers, “We’re not 3racha without you.”

This time, Chan is the one who sighs. “We’re only 3racha when we’re making music, Binnie. When it’s about your relationship, it’s just Changbin and Jisung, no one else.”

“I want there to be someone else.” His voice is so small it breaks Chan’s heart. It makes him question everything. He’s doing that to protect Jisung but he doesn’t want Changbin to get hurt in the process. 

He doesn’t even know _what_ he is doing anymore.

“Yeah? And how does Jisung feel about it?” he asks, to try and get some sense into Changbin.

Changbin scratches the back of his neck again. “I haven’t talk to him about it.”

“So you have no business discussing it with me, Changbin. He’s the one in a relationship with you, not me. I don’t have a say in this,” his voice is as stern as he can manage. He just needs Changbin to understand.

Chan’s tone doesn’t scare him at all, because he just keeps on talking. “Hyung, I know Jisung likes you too. I told you I felt like something was missing, right? Jisung felt it too. We talked about it. Talked about how off everything seems without you. You are basically the only thing we’ve been talking about for the past few days.

Chan feels his heart tighten at that. He loves them so much. He doesn’t want to hear it anymore.

“Changbin,” Chan trails off.

“No, Chan, listen,” I like you. You know that already, Changbin doesn’t say it but yes, Chan knows. The sudden drop of honorifics doesn’t even bother him.

“You guys are happy as you are, Changbin,”

“Stop being a good person for once, please. Jisung doesn’t realize he is in love with you but I know he is. I just,” he pauses. “I just need you to tell me how you honestly feel.”

Chan sighs in defeat. “I like you too, Bin. I really do. I like Jisung just as much,” Changbin’s face lights up at that and Chan hates that he has to say what he says next. “But I don’t think we should even be discussing that. Jisung is in love with you and he is even brighter than he used to be. You make him happy. You, this,” he gestures vaguely towards him “is enough for him.”

“It’s not enough,” he replies firmly. “I love Jisung and he makes me happy. But it’s not enough. If I wasn’t sure Jisung feels the exact same way about you, I wouldn’t ever be selfish enough to bother you about it.”

“I don’t know what you expect me to say,” Chan runs his hand through his hair. He is tired. He is so tired of being in love with two people that are in love with each other. He is tired of having to control his thoughts and his words ever so often so he doesn’t end up making things awkward between all of them. If he is being honest, he’s fairly good at pretending. But it’s s so late and he is just so, so tired.

“I want to talk to him about it,” Changbin says. “I really want to talk to Jisung about it.”

His eyes are pleading, asking Chan for something he’s not sure he can give him. he stays silent and takes a moment to just stare at Changbin. His dark circles are becoming more and more prominent. Between practicing, school and maintaining a relationship, Chan supposes it must not be easy. Changbin is so strong. Chan is proud of him. he has a hopeful expression on but he’s not even sure what Changbin hopes for.

“It’s not my decision to make, Binnie.”

“I know,” Changbin replies. “I’m going to talk to him either way. I just,” he pauses, as if trying to find the right words to say what he wants to. Chan waits. “If Jisung says he likes you too, I want to know,” he trails off.

“What do we do about it?” Chan offers and Changbin nods. “I don’t think it’s something the both of us should discuss alone,” is all Chan says.

Changbin nods in agreement again. They fall silent for a moment.

“Hyung?”

“Yeah?” 

“I’m sorry for putting you through this.”

Chan shakes his head and squeeze his eyes shut, the conversation taking its toll on him. “It’s not your fault,” he opens his eyes again and Changbin is still looking at him. “I’d never deny you anything,” he adds as an afterthought and he hopes Changbin gets the meaning behind his words. It’s true. He’d do anything for the both of them. 

Changbin smiles at that.

He gets it.

 

It’s an unusual night. They’re in the middle of winter, but instead of the gusts of wind that send shivers down their spines when they step foot outside, the night is warm and welcoming. Because of that, Changbin insists they go to the convenience store across from their practicing building to go and eat instead of just sending one of them there to get snacks as usual. Chan refuses the offer, claiming he has stuff to work on. No one is really surprised and Jisung is about to do the same, not wanting to leave Chan alone, but the older insists he and Changbin go without him. 

Now Jisung is sitting in a table at the sidewalk, waiting for Changbin to arrive with their food he is in charge of preparing. 

Jisung doesn’t have a watch with him but he knows it’s late. If he had to guess, he’d say it’s sometime around 1 am. There aren’t many people around, apart from a loud group of girls laughing out loud just across the street and a man in suit, carrying a suitcase and talking angrily at the phone. It’s almost funny, how people keep on living their lives as he just stays trapped in the same basement every day, practicing and practicing and practicing non-stop for something he’s not even sure will ever come. It’s his dream, he knows, but sometimes it gets frustrating.

Changbin snaps him out of his thoughts, placing their food at the table. Instead of sitting across from Jisung, he drags the chair to his side, claiming “It’s colder than I thought” as he nuzzles against Jisung’s side.

“Of course it is, you dumbass. It’s the middle of the winter for a reason.” Jisung flicks him in the forehead just for effect, kissing away the pout he forms almost immediately. 

They stay like this for a while, Changbin curled up against Jisung as the younger boy inhales his food. 

“Why aren’t you eating?” he asks him when Changbin does nothing but stay still.

“Just a minute,” Changbin mumbles and buries his head deep further against Jisung arms. 

Jisung laughs at the scene - the older, smaller boy curled up against him like a child hiding behind his mother.

Only when Jisung finishes does Changbin move, letting go of Jisung’s arms and stretching his left hand to grab Jisung’s own. He grabs his chopsticks with his free hand and starts eating.

Jisung just stares at the boy. He slurps his noodles fast but with pace, and it reminds him of Chan. Eating ramen at the convenience store reminds him of Chan, because he’s the only person he’s ever came out to eat with before Changbin.

He remembers it clearly. It was the third day after he arrived at the company. Chan took him to eat there, claiming it tasted different because they’re trainees and things are just more delicious like that. It tasted the same as any other convenience store food he’s ever tried, but Jisung laughed so much at Chan’s lame joke that it made the memory that much more satisfying anyway.

He shakes his head to get rid of these thoughts. He’s with Changbin now and while Chan is familiarity and comfort, Changbin is warm and butterflies in his stomach. It’s not the same but they’re both important on their own ways.

Jisung only notices Changbin when the older voice’s gets his attention, “Is something wrong?”

“No,” Jisung replies hurriedly and he hopes his face doesn’t make it obvious he was thinking about his memories with someone else, even if that someone else was Chan and Changbin would understand because he knows Chan took him to eat here, too. Now that Jisung thinks about it, it does kind of sound like some kind of rite of passage. He’ll have to ask Chan about it later. “Are you okay?” Jisung asks, because Changbin is pursuing his lips in that way he does when he’s wondering if he should say something.

“Yeah. Everything’s fine,” Changbin looks in the other direction and shifts uncomfortably on his seat and Jisung can senses his nervousness. He places his chopsticks down, still avoiding eye contact. 

Jisung squeezes Changbin’s hand that is still on his to try and get his attention. “What is it, hyung? Talk to me,” he says softly, almost pleading.

Changbin hesitates, but then he squeezes Jisung’s hand back and speaks, “I wanted to talk to you about something.”

“Sure,” he tries to sound as natural as he can manage. “What is it?

Changbin looks at him. “Do you remember how you first hated me when I came to the company?” 

“I didn’t hate you,” Changbin raises an eyebrow at that. “I was just a dumbass who was jealous that you were that good,” Jisung says, sounding embarrassed. Which he is.

Changbin is serious and cautious when he says the next words. “Was it just it? 

“What do you mean?” Jisung’s face scrunches up in confusion. 

“I don’t know. You just glared at me a lot, especially when I was with Chan.”

“I was not very humble. I guess you just proved to me that there are people just as good. Even better,” he shrugs. “Also you stole my work buddy!” Jisung accuses in a playful tone but Changbin doesn’t smile at that as Jisung wishes he had.

Instead, he says with a serious tone. “Were you jealous?”

“Of you?” Jisung says and he can’t help but laugh. “Of course not. I didn’t like you back then.”

“No, not me,” Changbin says.

And Jisung is confused. He wants to ask if he not of him, who else would he be jealous of. Then he gets it, before he has the chance to ask, and he hates how mad he gets that Changbin thinks he likes someone else. Even if that someone else is Chan. “Are you trying to imply I like someone else? When I’ve told you multiple times that I’m in love with you?” 

 

Jisound sounds offended. Which is understandable, considering his boyfriend is almost accusing him of something like that. It makes Changbin start doubting he was right about Jisung’s feelings for Chan. But he sees it everyday. He just has to find the right way to make Jisung see it too.

“I’m not doubting that. I know you are,” Changbin brushes his hair back in frustration. He is trying hard to come up with the right approach to the topic, but he should know Jisung is completely oblivious. “Look, Sungie. I love you and I know you love me too. That’s not even up for discussion here. Just… I need to ask you something and I need you to think about it and answer me honestly. Without getting mad at me. Can you do that?”

Jisung’s expression is a mix of confusion and frustration and Changbin just really wants to get it over with. His eyes are glistening with tears Jisung doesn’t want to fall and he nods.

Changbin has a hard time letting the words stumble past his lips, but he needs to do it. He needs to do it for all three of them. “Are you in love with Chan?”

 

Jisung is not sure he heard it right. His first instinct is to get mad at Changbin but he promises he wouldn’t so he fights it off.

He waits for the moment Changbin says he’s just kidding, but the moment never comes. There’s no judgment in Changbin eyes. He’s just waiting patiently for the answer, allowing Jisung to think like he wants him to. 

So Jisung does. Jisung wonders how brave must you be to ask the man you love if he loves someone else. Jisung hates that he put Changbin through that, even if unconsciously. 

He repeats the question on his mind. Is he in love with Chan? 

It’s such an unreasonable question. He knows he is in love with Changbin. He knew it before, but after dating him for longer than a week, he is sure he could not possibly love Changbin any more than he does now. Even if he’ll probably wake up the next day loving him a little bit more.

And then he thinks of Chan. He thinks of the happiness and of how, before Changbin came along, every minute without him was miserable. He thinks about the brightness of his smile, the comfort of his hugs and his childlike playfulness in the little moments he allows himself to be childish. He thinks about his loud laugh and how it resonates in the room when it’s 5 am and it’s just the two of them. He thinks of all the ways Chan has been there for him and all the sides of Chan only he and Changbin knew.

He wonders how could he be in love with his two best friends at the same time. A tiny voice in his mind asks him how could he not. And, really, how could he not. Everything makes sense to him now. The jealousy, the reason why he was so bothered when he noticed their subtle touches even when they didn’t. He is in love with both of them.

There’s a stingy feeling on his chest when he says what he does next, but no matter how much he doesn’t want to hurt Changbin, he owes him the truth. “Yes,” he answers. Because he is. Now that he thinks about it, he thinks he’s been in love with Chan ever since he met him. “I’m so sorry.”

He prepares himself to see hurt in Changbin eyes but instead his eyes are a mix of relieve and fondness.

“Don’t be,” is Changbin’s reply. “I’m glad you realize that now.”

Jisung barely registers Changbin saying he’s glad. “What?”

Changbin smiles at him fondly, and he brings his hands up to caress his cheek. Jisung feels like they’re back in Changbin’s room at the night they confessed to each other, but now Jisung is stupidly confessing his feelings for another man.

“I love you, Sungie. I do,” Changbin pauses. “And I love Chan too”

Jisung’s eyes widen and it takes him a full minute to process what Changbin said. “Are you in love with Chan too?”

Changbin nods. Jisung stares at him in disbelief and Changbin allows him to sit in silence with his thoughts. All that goes through Jisung’s mind is an infinite loop of _we love each other_. Is it possible? That the two men he is in love with are in love with each other and with him too? Jisung thinks about it and he realizes they don’t know if Chan likes them back.

Jisung shifts his attention back to the man before him. “Do we talk to Chan about it? he asks.

Changbin looks surprised at first, but then he quickly gets himself together to answer him.

“Chan knows.” Jisung probably makes the most shocked expression because Changbin is quick to add. “I mean, I’m pretty sure he knows I like him too.”

Jisung tils his head in confusion. “How?”

“Before I confessed to you, I went up to him.”

“Oh?”

“He told me to confess to you, because he was sure you felt the same.”

Jisung can’t suppress the incredulous laugh that escapes his lips. He clarifies, “I did that too, you know. I went and told him I’m in love with you. I’m so stupid. Did you tell him you like him?”

“You’re not stupid, Sungie,” Changbin says affectionately. “At first he didn’t let me. I wanted to, but I guess-”

“He knew I liked you back so he just decided his feelings didn’t matter,” Jisung completes.

“Yeah,” Changbin trails off.

Then it hits Jisung. Chan didn’t sacrifice his happiness for Changbin, because Changbin likes him too. It was for Jisung because he knew Jisung liked Changbin and in his mind, there was no place for him in that relationship. 

Jisung only realize the tears from before came back and he’s crying when he feels Changbin’s cold halds wiping away his tears. He presses a kiss on his cheek and it just makes Jisung cry harder. Does he deserve this? Does he deserve that much affection when his obliviousness is the reason both Chan and Changbin’s happiness were put on hold? He breaks down in a series of sobs and Changbin just holds him close, letting Jisung bury his face in his shoulder as he wets his shirt with the tears of sorrow. “I’m so sorry,” Jisung manages to spurt out.

“No,” Changbin shushes him, patting his head comfortingly “Why are you sorry for? You did nothing wrong, Sungie. And there’s still time to fix it.”

Jisung just cries harder at that. changbin holds him tight through all of his sobs and when they die down, he presses a kiss against Jisung’s scalp “Everything will be fine,” Changbin whispers and Jisung just hopes he’s right.

 

Jisung finds out telling your best friend that you and your boyfriend are in love with him isn’t the easiest task. It’s not something you bring up just casually, but it’s also not something Jisung is able to keep to himself without feeling like exploding.

He kind of wants to be the one telling Chan. After everything, he feels like he owes him that much. 

“Chan hyung,” Jisung calls, breaking the silence in the room.

They’re in the studio again, just the three of them. Jisung and Chan are sitting at the couch and Changbin is on a chair in front of it, facing them, his legs resting on Jisung’s lap. Each of them is busy doing their own thing, but Chan turns to Jisung as soon as he hears him. Jisung is nothing if not a sentimental person, so he thinks there’s some rightness in doing this right here.

It’s been two days since he talked to Changbin and it was enough for him to make sense of his feelings. Also enough for him to realize how dumb he has been this whole time.

Changbin realizes what Jisung is doing as soon as their eyes meet. He puts his legs down and adjust himself in the chair. He’s nervous, Jisung senses, and he’d be lying if he said he isn’t nervous too.

Chan waits for either of them to say something and Changbin is the one who speaks up.

“I talked to Jisung.” Jisung thinks Chan will have no idea what he means, but his shoulders tense up right before relaxing again in a split second and he realizes he knows.

Jisung heard Changbin talking about Chan before. He talked about Chan before, too. Both of them could probably write essays on why they love Chan. But Changbin seems at loss of words, so Jisung intervenes. 

He tells Chan he likes him, tells him he’s sorry he didn’t realize it sooner. Chan brushes his apology off and smiles at the two of them, bright and big and so, so happy Jisung would be lying if he said there’s anything he loves more in this world. One glance at Changbin shows a sparkling and blissful smile of his own.

And it’s not beautiful nor poetic or anything like the big confession Chan deserves, but it’s sincere and simple and _them_. As Chan holds the two younger boys closer to him, each of them tucked in one of his side, heads buried against his shoulder in one big and tight mess of teenage boys in love, Jisung thinks none of them would have it any other way.

 

Trainees don’t usually get any off days, but it’s a week after the confession when some electric wires explode in JYP’s building and all the floors go pitch dark. They say it will take the whole day to fix it so all the activities in the building are cancelled.

Upon the news, some of the trainees that live with them go home to visit their families, others just take the day off to sleep or have some fun. The three of them settle for some alone time at their dorm’s balcony, the same one Jisung went looking for Chan the other night. 

Instead of just sitting on the bare floor, Changbin gets them a picnic mat and some convenience store snacks, and when Chan teases him about being a romantic, he brushes it off trying to hide the blush that spreads across his cheeks. Jisung wouldn’t have guessed at first sight, but Changbin really is the sweetest guy.

Spring is coming and the breeze that reaches them is warm. Jisung like spring the most. It reminds him of walks in the park under the sunny wheater as birds chirp and the scent of flowers takes over his senses and makes him feel at ease. It is more of a childhood memory - it’s been a while since he last enjoyed a spring day in all its glory.

But today, with the sunlight reaching them just enough, he doesn’t feel like he’s missing anything on the outside world. 

He lays his head against Chan’s shoulders as the older works quietly, his laptop propped up on his legs. Changbin heads is on his lap as he threads his fingers slowly through his hair.

Jisung watches the screen of Chan’s laptop attentively and when he starts asking too much questions, Chan just shuts him up with a peck on his lips. It tempts Jisung to just keep on talking. At first Changbin just laughs at Chan’s attempt to shut Jisung up but by the third time it happens, he pouts and whines until Jisung stretches himself the best he can to kiss the pout away. It tastes like the cinnamon cookie he was eating minutes before. It’s sweet, just like him. Changbin hums pleasantly and then they fall silent again.

“Hyung,” Jisung breaks the silence and both of them turn their heads towards him. He laughs happily at that. He loves it. “Changbin hyung,” he clarifies and Chan turns his attention back to his work. “Can I ask you something?”

“Sure,” Changbin replies.

The question has been in Jisung’s mind for the longest time, but he hadn’t had the chance to ask him until now. With the monthly evaluations coming soon, all the time they spent together was focused on practicing for that. They were lucky to have the studio where all three of them could take a nap entangled in the couch altogether, but they didn’t have any proper alone time where Jisung could just ask the something that he was curious about.

“How did you know I liked Chan too?” Jisung asks.

As soon as the words leave his mouth, he watches the way Changbin’s face changes into a smile and Chan perks up at the question, suddenly interested. Jisung senses he’s watching Changbin and him, waiting for a reply.

“As cliché as it sounds,” Changbin starts, looking up at him. “You really talk about him like he puts stars in the sky.” It’s not a very clarifying answer, but Changbin smiles grows bigger as if he’s proud of himself. His gaze shifts between Jisung and Chan, paying attention to their reactions.

In other situation, Jisung would just tell Changbin to shut up and give him a proper answer. But, instead, he looks at Chan too and he swears the tips of his ears are tinted red. He smiles at the sight and he thinks maybe he is blushing too. He leans over Chan just enough to shorten the small distance between them and plants a kiss on his cheek. The older just smiles.

“I guess I do,” he replies, simply.

And Changbin is nothing if not a teenager completely in love with his two boyfriends, so he gets up from where he’s laying and he places himself in Jisung’s lap, drawing a yelp from the younger at the sudden action. Chan just watches them with fondness dripping from his eyes. From where he is, Changbin manages to prompt himself forward enough to place his own kiss on Chan’s chapped lips. The cinnamon of Changbin lips mix with the peppermint of Chan’s just enough, and it’s unique and heavenly in its own way.

Later, when the sun is setting and Changbin is curling himself against Jisung chest as Jisung barely pays attention at the patterns Chan is tracing at the back of his hand that he’s holding, Jisung knows he’s happy. For the first time ever since he became a trainee, he feels completely and utterly happy.

And, yes, their future is unknown and they have a long way to go. Still, he can’t help the certainty that they make it one day. As long as the three of them are together like this, Jisung _knows_ they will make it.

**Author's Note:**

> yes, jisung does ask chan about the rite of passage thing. and yes, chan does take the other members there when he meets them. don’t ask me how he chooses the people he'll bring there. sometimes chan just knows.
> 
> anyway!! english is not my first language so i'm sorry if things get confusing at times. also i never wrote anything ot3 before so i just hope it doesn't sound as unnatural as i think it does
> 
> if you read all of this mess, thank you so much!! and if you didn't, thank your for stopping by anyway!! <3


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